The Feather
by Dust in the Light-Crisi
Summary: After escaping Midgar, the group pause for a short rest. Aerith wanders off and winds up having a brief encounter with a certain SOLDIER and learns a little something about still loving, but having the guts to let go...A one shot. Zaerith & Clerth. R&R


**I**

* * *

><p><strong>Title: The Feather<br>**

**Summary: After escaping Midgar, the group pause for a short rest. Aerith wanders off and winds up having a brief encounter with a certain SOLDIER and learns a little something about still loving, but having the guts to let go...  
><strong>

**Characters: Aerith, Zack, Cloud, mentions of Nanaki, Tifa, and Barret.**

**Pairings: Both Zaerith and Clerith.**

**Disclaimer: Let's see, Development for FF7 began in 1994. And it was released in 1997. I was two when developing started and five when it was first released. So unless you think a toddler created this story, it's definitely not mine. Nor will it or any of the FFs ever be...  
><strong>

* * *

><p>That night, they were exhausted. Most of the motley crew had been unable to sleep in the cool prison cell, not truly at least. Too much grief and thoughts too abysmal to achieve much more than a half-conscious, unsettled doze. Thinking about all the lives lost that day…their friends and innocent civilians slain for the sake of capitol…it was sickening. The sort of thing that inspired waking nightmares of blood and screams and familiar eyes gone lifeless. It didn't help when more blood and death awaited them upon waking.<p>

Most of them, also, had not eaten or drank a thing in over twelve hours, leaving them lethargic. Their hasty escape had further pressed into their lacking energy reserves.

And the day was hot; night had faded from the sky not long after they left Midgar. The sun beat down mercilessly across the wastes, forcing them to seek cover wherever they could. The sun was the real killer out here, for it sapped all strength from your bones. It would be best to wait until the sun had dipped over the horizon at the very least, casting greater shadows in its wake. Not only that, but navigation by starlight was something Tifa said she had learned as a guide back home; one of the skills the other woman had that she didn't have any clue about.

They set up a makeshift camp quickly, draping a large tarp over a small hollow between cliffs. Sheltered from the elements and various monsters that might be lurking in search of an easy meal. They didn't bother with food, but made sure to pass canteens filled to the brim with lukewarm water around, filled just before they left the city. They each spread out their sleeping bags, the boys insisted they both sleep on the outsides to protect the girls if there was any trouble. One by one they fell into exhausted, dreamless sleep. Everyone but her.

She lay awake, sleep evading her grasp. It wasn't that she didn't feel safe within the group; on the contrary with him in the group, she felt next to invincible. But that was the problem. Her mind was ghosting over memories of the last time she felt this way and recalling how poorly it had ended.

She sighed and turned over, unable to get over how painful the stony ground was. How was it that the others had fallen asleep so easily? She was envious of them in a way, particularly Red, who had no sleeping bag even. He had simply curled up a distance away from the main group and passed out not long after hitting the dirt.

It didn't take her long before she knew that she would not be getting any sleep tonight. Silently, so not to disturb her companions, she rose to her feet and slipped over their unconscious bodies, careful not to disturb them. She ebbed away from their encampment, keeping her step light as possible as she followed a well-worn trail. She wasn't certain what she was even looking for until she found it. A ridge on the cliff, perfectly positioned in front of a scenic view of Midgar. Black steel shone harshly in the sunlight and she could make out smoke rising into the sky from the reactors and the collapsed plate. You could live in Midgar your whole life, exploring it for years, without even scratching the surface on just how vast the city was. Yet out here, next to the towering rock formations and glowing beauty of the sun overhead, it looked uncharacteristically small. The city was astounding to the casual observer, but anyone who had actually been inside its walls would quickly find it to be an eyesore.

And it definitely was. A chaotic jumble of light and smells and sounds…most of which were not at all pleasant. The slums…a jumble of makeshift houses created from any scraps which the poverty-stricken people could find. The smells of garbage and unwashed bodies perforating the air past the acrid scent of smoke and mako. The sounds of horns blaring and beaten old generators churning and people quietly talking, their tones bleak and their faces expressionless. The upper plate, slick and technological to the untrained eye. People bustling around with their heads down and their minds closed. Yet it was all she had ever known. She knew she was sheltered, but she couldn't help but feel a slight pang of longing as she sank to her knees, her eyes fixed on the city that had so long been her home.

She felt very exposed out here. Like she had been stripped of her security blanket, the one that had been veiling her from the world her entire life. Never in her memory had she been out of the city…everything was just too big and too real. Too open out here. It gnawed on her nerves and made her feel restless. The morning had brought a crispness to the air she'd never tasted and colors to the sky she'd never imagined. And she knew it was beautiful, yet scary. It still was, she reflected as she stared up at the sky.

Such an amazing shade. Electric blue, so clear and vibrant and beautiful. A color she had never seen to the sky through the smog. Yet this was not the first she had seen of this blue. It cut her to remember where else she had see this color. In her heart, he was still there…those blue eyes, that rich voice, his cocky smile. But it was those eyes of his that she loved the most. His irises stained glowing blue. She had longed to see that color again, begged and pleaded. Yet now that she had, she wasn't so certain that she wanted to. It brought back painful memories of his promise to her and her heart ached.

She tried to derail her thought pattern. She knew where it was going. It was an all too familiar path she'd beaten her way down too many times. It hurt to think of him, even after all this time. She needed to stop obsessing over him. She needed to move on. Yet she couldn't. Everything Cloud said…everything Cloud did…it brought forth ghosts of memories. Similarities and nostalgia so strong it threatened to bowl her over. Things she'd thought she'd buried. But they had returned to haunt her in waking hours now. Every time he looked at her and she watched him walk…fight…breathe. It sent tremors of familiarity crackling across her being. Painful reminders of a love long lost.

At some point, she had subconsciously acknowledged the truth. That he was gone. Wiped from this plane of existence. But it was too terrible for her to really accept. So she'd beaten a lie into her head to cover the truth. She pretended that he had left her. Ignored the knowledge that he would never do something like that. He was too honorable…too loyal. But the alternative was something she could accept, the idea that he would never smile or laugh again. She told herself that he had abandoned her instead. Probably for some super gorgeous girl who wasn't afraid of the sky and was kind and sweet and had a killer body. Someone like Tifa…he deserved someone like that.

She grabbed a fist full of the dirt beneath her, letting it sift through her fingers as the wind scattered it. She watched it, her lips drawn into a thin line. She didn't know why, but something about this was…off. About the way the dust took to the sky, spiraling on the currents that were blowing toward Midgar.

Then it dawned on her. The wind on the wastes was hot normally. To the point of scalding. Yet the fingers of air that caressed her face now…they were cool. Refreshing and sweet. And they bore a scent of something…something very familiar. A strong, tasty, faintly spicy aroma that she found herself gulping in.

A stand of black hair and a flash of bright blue caught in the corner of her eyes. But when she twisted toward it, it vanished. She swore she heard something; a voice, calling out to her. It wasn't exactly the first time she had heard things others couldn't, yet there was something different about this voice. Something unsettlingly familiar.

Her hair blew in the wind, a clump falling loose as the cool breeze continued to buffet her. She scanned the horizon, unsure just what she was searching for. Tremors overtook her body as she swore she felt a hand stroke her hair, then tuck the chunk of wayward strands behind her ear. She turned toward the hand, but again found nothing.

_Aerith._

This time, the voice came clear as a bell and the tenor was unmistakable. She'd dreamed of that tone…that sound for far too long. She swallowed the lump building in her throat, completely unaware of the tears forming in her eyes. That part of her, the part that she had suppressed her whole life, was muttering something. She pretended she didn't know what it was saying. If she pretended hard enough, it wouldn't be real. It wouldn't be true.

_Please don't cry. Never wanted to make you cry._

Too late for that. Tears spilled treacherously over the brims of her eyes, catching on the lashes. They fell to silence. This was not the first time she had cried over him, but it was the first she had in public. Every other time it had been in the safety in her room, with only her mother as a witness. It didn't create much spectacle though. The only witnesses were the cool winds and the specter a piece of her knew was there, watching her pain and yearning to wrap her in his strong arms once more.

She closed her eyes and she could almost feel them doing just that. A chilling sensation swept over her very pores and flooded her other senses. As the sensation grew, she opened her eyes and whether her it was farce or not, she saw his bare arms, transparent and glowing slightly green. Wrapped tightly around her, shielding her. As he had always done, yet could do no more. Not in the way she wanted…needed.

"You promised." She whispered, her heart stung. Promised he would come visit her. That she would get to spend more time with him.

There was no response, but she let the silence stretch. She had no idea if any of this was even real, but she wouldn't let the moment be spoiled. Real or imagined, she needed this. Closure. A chance to say goodbye. She could feel the longing, still there. His longing, hers…they both melded into one. She felt something caress her cheek once more and she raised her hand to her face to catch it, surprised when her fingers actually closed on something solid.

Her eyes snapped open in alarm, but her hands had not caught fingers, but rather a sole, white feather. It was so soft and so familiar that her heart skipped a beat and she found herself once more searching the hillside. But there was nothing. That strange, cool breeze had even halted for the time being, making everything go eerily still.

She stared down at the glossy, downy plume, running her finger across its segments. Nothing out here had feathers of this type. This purity. She found herself at a loss for explanations. Where could it have possibly come from?

Suddenly, that breeze picked up once more, tearing the feather from her hand. She jumped to her feet, hoping to catch it. Hold it. Prove that what she had just experienced was real.

Imagine her surprise when, upon turning around, she saw Cloud leaning up against one of the rock formations. In between two gloved fingers was the feather she had just been holding.

"You shouldn't go wandering off alone. It's dangerous out here." He said, then noticed the intent way she was staring at the feather clutched between his fingers. "This yours?" He held it at arms length, inspecting it with those blue eyes of his. She caught her breath at the shadow partially obscuring his face. For a moment, his hair…his features…they darkened and she swore…well, it was silly. Probably just a trick of the light, the play of shadow across his features. But with that familiar sword on his back…

"Y-yes." She didn't often stammer like that. But what she saw, it had disquieted her. Made her heart thud loudly in her chest, threatening to break through skin and bone and fly away.

He strode into the light, which danced across the flaxen crest he called hair and her heart calmed. Here in the light, with those much more delicate features highlighted and the color bouncing back to his hair, she felt more stable. But those eyes were piercing. Cutting and so inexplicably familiar. "Here." He pressed the feather back into her palm and she was struck with how much shorter he was too. It helped reign in her mind.

"Thanks." She allowed a smile to curve her lips, but he wasn't really looking at her. He'd turned, his eyes fixed on the city below. She couldn't gauge what his thoughts at that moment, but she wondered just how long he had been standing there.

Had he seen her crying? The tears had dried from her face courtesy of the heat, but she wished, not for the first time, that she could delve into his mind and know the answer. He kept himself so guarded much of the time. She could work out emotions better than most people, but his were so jumbled and turbulent that trying to untangle them was like trying to pry your fingernails off. Both painful and stupid. Only the most foolish or insane dared even try. His last name fit his persona.

He seemed to almost forget she was there…or so she had thought. Until, that is, he spoke. "Six years ago, I stood right here. In this very spot. And I saw Midgar for the first time. You know what I thought?" He turned and made brief eye contact with her. "I thought it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. That my whole life was just beyond those walls, waiting for me. Now I don't care if I never see it again."

Hesitantly, she put a hand on his shoulder. He grasped it with his own, just what he needed. A solid source of comfort to tether himself to reality. Unknowing that she needed the same thing. Some kind of contact.

"Midgar is the city of dashed dreams, but Shinra isn't what matters. It's the people that matter." She replied.

He seemed to consider her for a moment then asked. "Why aren't you asleep with the others?"

Aerith let her hand drop from his and shrugged her shoulders. "I wasn't aware I had a bed time." She said simply. He scratched the back of neck with his hand and she was struck again by a feeling of déjà vu. Zack always did that…whenever he was feeling awkward or nervous…she looked away. "Besides, I'm perfectly fine."

He looked doubtful and she wondered again if he'd seen her tears. But he let the matter drop. "We should leave fairly soon. Midgar's still in chaos, but it won't be long before they send someone after us."

She nodded absently, her gaze slipping to his sword. He called it the Buster Sword…and everything about it was an exact replica. She was no weapons expert, but you'd have to be blind not to notice this blade. It wasn't exactly a dime a dozen either. "Where did you get that sword?"

Cloud cocked one bright yellow eyebrow. "Where'd that come from?"

"Just curious." She asked, keeping her tone light so it covered her thirst to know.

Cloud removed the Buster from his back, angling it downwards as he looked up and down its length. "My mother…she gave it to me. Said it once belonged to my father and that it's very important." He had no idea to be honest and he also didn't know why he chose to lie to her. Perhaps it was his own lack of understanding of himself. The one that had rendered him incapable of sleep for many nights now.

She tried from letting her disappointment show in favor of a sunny smile. "Family heirlooms…" She removed the green materia from its spot in her ribbon. She rolled it between her fingertips. "At least yours does something."

The right corner of his lip jerked upwards. "I'm sure that's not as useless as you claim it is. For all we know it might summon a god."

She let out a short laugh. "Wouldn't that be perfect?" There it was again, that little twitch of his lips. "So you can smile!"

"Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays." He answered, his tone lighter than usual. It occurred to her just how much she enjoyed making him smile…to make him chuckle as he did right then. It had unsettled her before…those warm gushes that she got sometimes when she looked at him. She felt as if she was being unfaithful somehow. But it struck her that maybe…just maybe…the feather was some sign. Some sort of approval from Zack. On how she felt for him and how she hoped he felt for her. She was ready. Ready to move on and stop dragging her feet about how she felt.

"Come on…let's go back to camp." He said, turning to leave.

She stared at the feather for a long moment then released it into the sky. The wind instantly caught it and this time, it was carried high into the bright blue sky till it was indiscernible. She watched it, her green eyes shining brightly. "I'll always love you." She said softly, closing her eyes to feel the wind once more. Then she promptly turned around and followed Cloud back to camp, never pausing to look back.

If she had, she might have seen a shimmering apparition, bright green lifestream swirling around a see-through form. Blue eyes watched her as she walked back down the path, away from him. Back to her friends. And while he yearned for her to steal one final look back at him, he knew better. For now, he knew that she would be alright. Happy…or at least content, with her life. She needed to be and that wasn't possible with him anymore. He wanted her to have someone…someone who deserves her…someone who he loved like a brother.

But he would always love Aerith Gainsborough. He just wished he had gotten the chance to tell her that.

* * *

><p><strong>I'd almost consider this a follow up on Her Smile His Laugh. It's supposed to be Aerith finally letting Zack go and also a glimpse at how Zack might have felt about his best friend and his girlfriend potentially dating. And yes, I did have heavy inspiration from FFX-2's sad ending...almost unconsciously to begin with really. And yes, that is the same spot on the cliff where Zack died...<br>**

**~Crisi  
><strong>


End file.
